1 year

Well, we finally made it.  Today is our first anniversary.  When they say that the first year of marriage is always the hardest, they were not kidding.  I cannot imagine going through this journey with anyone else though.

What a year this has been!  Wedding, moving and a baby.  I have said that 2011 was definitely my year!

As challenging as our first year together has been, if it meant that I wouldn't get to have the love that I do and the beautiful baby that we were blessed with, I wouldn't change a damn thing.  I'd absolutely take the family drama, financial woes and housing issues that we've had over and over again if it meant Josh was still by my side.

Josh really does make me a better person.  He honestly makes anyone he is around a better person.  I know I don't tell him that nearly enough (if at all).  To know that someone as good as Josh agreed to marry my crazy ass is something I will never begin to comprehend.  But I'm keeping him!!!

Josh, I love you more than I could ever put on paper.  You are the best father and husband I could have ever asked for.  You balance me out.  You make me want to be a better person.  Oliver will always be the luckiest boy in his class because you are his daddy.  Here's to many years to come!

Room to roam

I have been itching to move to Oklahoma.  Is that weird?  I have literally never stepped foot in Oklahoma but, for some reason, I'm so fascinated with it!  I've lived in South Carolina, Virginia and Massachusetts so I've been known to pack up and leave when the whim hits me.  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy where I am but I feel like there's something else out there.  I don't know if maybe television glamorizes things but I've been so drawn to living on a farm lately but within a short distance to town.  Does that exist in Oklahoma?  I think I want to live somewhere where I can have lots of animals more than anything else.

This is so random, I know.  I've just been introduced to all these new blogs and quite a few of them are from ladies in Oklahoma so I guess this may be where my mind is coming up with this stuff. 

Anybody else out there wanting a change?  I don't know if my troubles with my in-laws might also be why I'm thinking heavily about getting out of South Carolina.  It is such a struggle on a daily basis for me to KNOW Josh's mom lives less than 20 minutes from our doorstep and she has yet to even see Oliver in person.  I feel like if I wasn't here it would hurt a little less.  Then again, I could be just running away like I am so good at. 

Do grownups do this?  Am I the only person who doesn't want to plant roots where I am right now?  I don't know if it's normal to not want to live and grow old in the same place where you grew up because my parents both did not do that.  This is, again, not to say that I dislike South Carolina or the people or anything because I love it, it's my home.  Until the day I die I will be a South Carolinian by the grace of God (Go Gamecocks!!!). 

20 weeks

My little man turns 20 weeks old today.  It's amazing how quickly time really does fly by.  All those weeks and months of painful time standing still while I was pregnant have been replaced by me waking up and realizing my newborn is almost 5 months old. 

Before I go any further, I want to say what no moms around me have said before...motherhood is hard.  And sucks sometimes.  And is frustrating.  And tear inducing.  I felt like a terrible mother for telling my own mom a few months ago that yes I do remember what life was like before Oliver came into the world and it was SILENT.  I don't want to sound ungrateful because I am so incredibly thankful every single day for the blessing of a healthy, happy baby.  A coworker came back from leave of her first grandchild being born and the poor baby took some beatings during delivery and apparently his brain is swollen because of it.  I had to physically bite my cheeks and hold back tears because I can literally not even begin to imagine what must be going through that mama's head, especially since she hasn't even been able to hold her sweet baby yet.  So, I guess my first item of business is to request a prayer for little Ty and his family?  I held Oliver a little tighter last night knowing just how lucky I am.

Here's where little man is this week:

I think he finally found his feet!  He's not consistent with grabbing them (as with every other thing he does) but he seems to be making an effort these past few days.

He is finally, FINALLY rolling to his side and is sooooo close to rolling from back to stomach.  I am trying not to worry that he doesn't roll yet and I'm hoping that can be attributed to him being over 20 pounds. 

He tried sweet potatoes last night and you would have thought those were cake covered in chocolate with a side of honey or something.  Nana T is here visiting and one minute I leave her to feed him and the next he's screaming because it's all gone. 

Want to see how he wakes up every morning?  I know, I'm a lucky lady.

I will confess something here.  All my life I said I never wanted a little boy.  That they were so foreign to me.  I didn't know how to have a little boy.  Well, the day I found out I was having Oliver, I just KNEW I'd be a boy mom and I could literally not have been happier.  Truth be told, I swear I knew he was a boy from the moment I found out I was pregnant.  Anyway, my secret is that I've been extra thrilled about him being a boy because of all the shark stuff they have out now.  I'm obsessed with sharks and have been since I can actually remember memories.  I even got SCUBA certified a few years ago so I could see sharks in person.  My mom knows this and will buy every single item that has a shark on it that she sees.  I will not even tell you how much I can't even handle all the shark stuff they have at Gymboree right now.  I.  Could.  Die!!!

Two separate days, same smiley face.  I swear, I don't know what I did to get so lucky.  It's nice to look back on really old posts and realize how far I've come.

Well, I hope everyone has a great weekend!  We are traveling to Virginia after work tonight so I can spend a little time with my GMA tomorrow. 

Get to know me a little

I figured I'd answer some silly questions so hopefully you can get to know me a little better. 

NICKNAMES: None.  PLEASE don't ever call me Val
BIRTHDAY: April 7th
BORN IN: Winnsboro, South Carolina
PETS: Two dogs: Dewey and Gertrude.  Two cats:  Izzie and Roxie
HOBBIES: Scuba diving, cooking, reading, shopping (I'm obsessed with smocked clothes for Oliver)
DISLIKES: Talking behind my back, liars, people who are inconsiderate, being talked down to
FAVE ACTORS: Matt Bomer.  Seriously, why am I drawing a blank on this one??  I know there are others
FAVORITE MUSIC: Zac Brown Band...I'd pretty much follow them anywhere if I had the resources
FAVORITE BOOKS: Love a good mystery.  Or a classic.  The Great Gatsby is my all time favorite.  Also love Patricia Cornwell (the old stuff).  I have a Master's in Library Science so reading has always been something I enjoy
FAVORITE CANDY: I guess Snickers, although I'm not a huge sweets fan
FAVORITE COLORS: Purple
FAVORITE FLOWER: Gerber Daisy
FAVORITE FOODS: Mexican, Greek, Italian
FAVORITE QUOTE:  Lord, help me be the person my dog thinks I am
FAVORITE MOVIES: This is far too difficult to narrow down.  Chicago, Finding Nemo, anything by Clint Eastwood, Chasing Amy
FAVORITE TV SHOWS: Same as movies, I love me some tv.  White Collar, Glee, Big Brother, Real Housewives of anywhere, Dexter, Once Upon a Time....seriously, I love tv

THREE THINGS I'D LIKE TO LEARN
1. A foreign language
2. How to make children's clothes (see my obsession with smocked)
3. How to be more responsible with money

THREE THINGS THAT AREN'T SO GREAT ABOUT ME
1. I'm extremely impatient
2. I have a really bad temper
3. I am quick to write someone off

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK
1. Computer monitor
2. iPhone
3. Diet Coke

THREE WORDS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY
1. Introverted
2. Loyal
3. Judgmental (yes, I realize those are contradictions...if you're my friend, you're my friend for life.  However, I will totally comment on how slutty someone is dressed in the right company)

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
1. Lithuanian
2. German
3. American Indian
(all very little parts, I have no real identity)

THREE RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME
1. I took Swahili in college
2. I eat Snickers weird apparently (the bottom first then the top)
3. I want so much to be a better person

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO VISIT
1. Africa
2. Australia
3. India
4.  Europe
5.  New Zealand
Okay so I want to travel more than almost anything.  Hopefully one day I will have the means to accomplish that

Well I hope this gives you a little idea of me.  I know I am so much more than the sum of these things but at least it's a start.  Have a good Thursday!

Humpday randoms

I think maybe I'll use Wednesdays to just dump things out of my brain and see what happens.


It appears that we will have to take a trip to Virginia this weekend.  If you're the praying type, would you mind saying a little one for my GMA and family?  This isn't something any of us want to deal with right now, especially on the cusp of my GPA's death anniversary on Monday (coincidentally my wedding anniversary as well...it fit in schedules, nothing more as to why we'd choose that day). 

Oliver still is not rolling over, back to front or front to back.  I know every baby is different but it's hard not to worry about things like that.  Also, he doesn't seem all that interested in toys unless we put them directly in his face. 

I wake up at 6:15 every morning and, all this week so far, Oliver has been jabbering away when I take my ear plugs out.  I feel like such a terrible mom because I have NO clue how long he has been awake.  Yes, I sleep with ear plugs because my husband snores like a freight train is about to leave the station.  No.  Lie.

I feel very stagnant this week for some reason.  I had the realization earlier today that I am 34 and am wondering if this is the career path I will have until I retire? 

Still trying to gear myself up to start running and doing Weight Watchers.  I think to hold myself accountable I will document here (weight, days, times, etc.) so hopefully that'll give me the extra kick in the ass I need to make this happen.  Weight is something I worry about constantly and have since as long as I can remember.  I was thinking last night that I wonder if I will be one of those moms that my children are embarrassed by?  Ooooh, look at Oliver's mom...she's so fat.  This is the stuff I think about when everybody else in the house is asleep.

See this dog?  He's your's if he does this one more time.  Stupid.  Effing.  Dog!!!

Well I guess that's about all I've got for today.  I have posts running through my head of things I want to talk about, questions I have, etc.  Hopefully I can get those out so at some point.  Hope everyone is doing well!

Class of 2015

I am so excited to announce that my honey, Josh, got accepted to USC for Fall 2012. He was so nervous that no university would ever admit him and look what happened! I am just so thrilled for him. Guess Oliver will have some pretty big shoes to fill when he gets old enough, right? I mean, his mama, daddy and the General all graduated from Carolina! I've hoped since day one that my little man would be a linebacker at Carolina one day.

Ever since Josh decided to go back to school I've been so excited to share this experience with our children. I hope they understand one day that education is so important and that anything worth obtaining in life is worth fighting for. We will see what the future holds!

We are starting Weight Watchers and Couch to 5K so stay tuned for updates on that starting this weekend!!!

Sour Grapes

Yes, I am currently experiencing a bit of sour grapes.  Or jealousy.  Call it what you will.  As evidenced in my very first posts, I always imagined I'd meet a man, get married, have kids and be able to help raise these kids.  Along the way I decided that my education was just as important so I managed to get not one, not two but THREE degrees (okay, so maybe an Associates Degree is pointless but still).  I was in college the better part of 15 years and now I have a Master's Degree to show for my hard work.  Which has amounted to be a big fat, NOTHING.  I have a baby that I adore and a husband I can't imagine life without.  Yet, I don't get to enjoy any of it. 

I see all these mommy bloggers who are able to stay home and take care of their kids.  How do I do that??  What in the hell do I need to do in order to make that happen?  I am so frustrated with worrying about money that I know I'll never be able to stop working and focus on my family.  I'd love to have lots of kids and it pisses me off that I have to worry about FMLA and my age before anything else.  Instead of starting again right away, I have to say okay Oliver is 6 months old and by the time, God willing, baby #2 gets here it'll have been a year since I used my FMLA/STD benefits and I can take off 8 weeks from work again.  I'm all for this women's lib and, quite frankly, I doubt I could stay home permanently.  But, it sure would be nice to be given the choice.

I mentioned to a friend recently something that I know isn't going to be popular.  And if my husband sees this his feelings are going to be hurt, so I apologize in advance.  Make sure you marry for not just love.  Unless you desire to live as middle class and have to work forever, make sure you settle down with someone who can provide for you financially.  Being the person who makes more money is liberating at first.  Until you start working again and having to leave your baby with (albeit nice) strangers to watch him day in and day out, you won't fully understand how hard being a working mom is. 

Maybe this post fits into that category I had myself in years ago, imagining something that I thought could never be a reality?  I surely hope so.  If I had my way, I'd already be pregnant now and me, Oliver and Aunt JCC would be planning what we were going to do during the day.  Again, I am so grateful I have the job I do, I love being challenged and the grownup interaction is wonderful.  However, my grandmother is gravely ill and most likely will not be with us too terribly much longer.  Instead of being with my mom and helping as much as I can, I am waiting for the call of when her final respects will be paid.  I know that my asking to have a few days off would just lead to WWIII and I don't have the strength to deal with that right now.  Ah the joys of working motherhood.