Boy I wish they had told me that

A disclaimer:  This post is going to be very TMI and female oriented so, be fair warned.

I am so thankful I've been given the blessing of becoming a mother.  The end result has been nothing short of magical at times.  That being said, boy are there a few things I wish people had warned me about ahead of time just so I could be prepared (I'm a preparer by nature).  In no particular order of grossness:

1.  Bleeding
I knew going into the final weeks of being pregnant that afterwards there would be recovery and bleeding.  I get it.  However, I had a scheduled csection and thought surely they'll use a vacuum or some sort of socker-outer and get everything out, right?  Wrong.  Very, very wrong.  The nurses come in and press on your already wrecked stomach once an hour for the first 24 hours, making sure your uterus goes back to where it should.  Now, this is a part of the healing process and I get it.  However, having to be cleaned up by a nursing assistant like an invalid was not something I was prepared for.  With people in the room no less.  Thankfully, I did not have that when you first stand up gush or anything but it was still gross.  And oh the bleeding afterwards.  That lasts for WEEKS.  Hello????  Why is this not in any pregnancy book?  Lies, please.  Lies!

2.  Hair loss
Why was I the only person who was not aware that you will lose your hair like a middle aged, red sports car driving man?  I literally have bald spots but thankfully they can be covered so no one else sees them.  I will not even describe what it looks like when these bald spots start growing back in! 

3.  Cycle issues
I've spent the last week freaking out and worrying about my monthly friend not showing up.  I want more children and close in age but a year apart is just a little too close for comfort for me.  How many calls to my OB do I have to make, asking is this normal?  Why was my period 12 days last month and it's a week late this one?  (Told you, this would be TMI...again, I apologize).  I wish someone had warned me just how much your body must endure in order to bring a tiny human into the world.  Michelle Duggar can suck it. 

4.  Boobs
Between the leaking and the pain, this alone could be a post in and of itself.  How come I had to take to the internet to realize that you don't just stop breastfeeding cold turkey?  Why didn't someone tell me this before I just quit and almost died from the pain the next morning?  Or that feeding or pumping that morning would make me want to scream in agony?  Or that the pain of dealing with that was worse than my csection recovery was?

5.  Itching
This goes back to the beginning of during and after my csection.  How in the hell did it slip someone's mind to say hey you may have a reaction to the spinal and will want to itch every square inch of your skin off?????  I look like Rudolph in every single photo from the days in the hospital because of my reaction to the spinal.  I was almost in tears on quite a few occasions, begging the nurses for more Benadryl to at least dull the agony I was in.

6.  Scar tissue
I may be the only person who had this issue but feeling along my scar and realizing there was a lump on one side sent me running out of the shower and on the phone to my OB before I had even dried my face off.  Apparently this is normal.  Again, something that would have been nice to know beforehand.  Thanks, people.

7.  Hormones
I knew I'd be hormonal but bordering on insanity I was not expecting.  I had to learn early on that cutting out the nonsense was the only way I'd be able to survive.  You will most definitely cry for no reason. 

8.  A baby with days and nights confused
Sure, it happens to some babies.  But why doesn't the hospital explain that just in case.  Wouldn't that be a nice little nugget to know ahead of time?  Hey, just so you know.  Thanks for the advice, nurses. 

9.  Useless hospital staff
At least in my experience, I would have rather had Oliver in a field than where I did.  The nurses were rude and it took forever to get anything when I'd ask for it.  I won't even begin to describe how the nurses in his nursery acted, other than to say they made me feel like the biggest idiot on the planet.  Make sure you bring your own mittens and clothes, unless you want a baby who scratches its face and is freezing in that cheap hospital "gown" they provide babies nowadays.  If my OB's office wasn't directly affiliated with the hospital where I had Oliver, I'd switch in a heartbeat with my next child.  I won a VIP package in May that I was so excited to use when I had Oliver.  Because I had him on a weekend, their offices were closed and I didn't get to use ANY of it.  When we went to claim our gift certificates when I was leaving, the lady laughed at Josh and told him she wouldn't help him because we waited too long.  How is this behavior tolerated from what is considered the baby hospital of Columbia???

10.  Crazy breastfeeding ninjas
In a perfect world we'd all be able to feed our babies and not have to rely on formula to help.  That would be amazing!!  However, I wish I hadn't spent so much time and energy worrying that I had to supplement Oliver from pretty much day one.  And back off, jerks!!  What's good for you is not necessarily good for me and my family.  Does your baby fall asleep 5 minutes after feeding and no amount of poking and prodding will wake him up?  No?  I didn't think so.  So mind your own damn business.  Breastfeeding is good but do not let anyone else tell you what is best for YOUR baby.  You have to live with him or her for however many years they are at home.  If you go into the hospital even knowing breastfeeding isn't for you, good for you!  I know for next time that we will bring bottles (yep, hospital won't provide those either...unless you use whatever company has swooned them and is giving away free samples at the time). 

I'm sure I will have many more things to add to this list as Oliver gets older and my mothering adventures because more pronounced.  It feels like every month something pops up and I think why didn't someone tell me about this while I was pregnant?