A rant

I've been stewing about this topic for almost a year now but I'm hoping if I actually get it "on paper," I'll be able to move on and never talk about it again.

My in-laws.

Where do I begin??? Should I start with the fact that Oliver is 4 months and 7 days old and he has yet to meet his grandmother? Yeah, let's start there. Or that Josh's only sibling on the planet hasn't met him either? I am so angry today about them and I don't really know why. We have gone around and around about having a relationship with these horrible people and each time I try and mention it, Josh rejects it and changes the subject. What about my baby?? Does NO ONE think of him? I attempted to contact Josh's mom about two months ago and, besides the fact that it took her two weeks to respond to me, she would not meet me and Oliver unless it was under her terms. Really???? You cry to people that you haven't met your grandson but when I offer it you turn me down because I don't want your low life piece of trash husband there too?? I am so furious today about this. My mother lives 1,000 miles from Columbia and would probably give up part of her life to see Oliver yet my mother-in-law lives 10 minutes from our door and doesn't even know what he looks like. How is this possible?

I guess I should back up for a second and explain how we got here. If I've learned anything about Josh it's that he doesn't rock the boat, ever. He goes with the flow and tries to please everyone. I'm not sure if it's because of how he was raised or just his personality but he tends to keep to himself and not bother anybody. That being said, he was approached by his stepdad years ago with the request that Josh buy his childhood home from his mom and stepdad under the guise that they would buy it back within a year. He shelled out $5,000 for closing costs and was told he would get those back as well as soon as the proceeds from the sale of the house were finalized. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out how all of this played out, right? No proceeds returned and it's 2012 and Josh still owns this crappy house. With a 30+ year old air conditioning. A 20+ year old roof. My guess is jerk Larry hired a friend to do the inspection on this house and sign off on everything being on the up and up. Instead, Josh and I are almost bankrupt trying to repair things here and there. Mind you, I was 3 months pregnant when we moved into this house WITH NO AIR CONDITIONING in South Carolina in the summer. I spent more days than I care to remember feeling light headed and like I was going to pass out.

All of this is neither here nor there at this point, I think. I'm so angry and bitter that my child has to wait for his grandmother in Massachusetts to visit to get any sense of extended family and I'm really pissed off today. Really pissed off. I want these people to make it right and give my child the fairness he deserves. At this point, I don't think it's possible but at least the thought is there. Instead, I spend time wondering what could have been. Does anybody really think that a child growing up realizing that he has a whole other family who he has never met is a healthy thing?? How will he feel about all of this one day??

I apologize for the rant but, for some reason, this has been on my mind today. I thankfully have a good support system in place with my family and Oliver has his Aunt JCC basically in the same room with him as much as Josh and I are so I am thankful for that. I think this blood family issue will be with me for the rest of my life. I never thought this part of my life would end up like this. Any suggestions on what I should do???? I could really use the guidance.