Thursday, September 20, 2012

It's a Girl

I recently came across this and I literally cried through the entire thing.  Knowing that we are having a girl has been an emotional thing for me.  I feel like Josh has a lot of responsibility on his shoulders.  I know without a doubt that he is going to be an amazing father, especially to a daughter.  I did not have a good father.  Hell, I don't have a good one now (read: we haven't spoken in over a month because he doesn't agree with our move).  My messed up issues with men stem from that relationship, to an extent.  So, having a daughter is something that thrills and terrifies me all at the same time.  Will she be confident?  Will she be self assured?  Will she love herself?  Will she love others?  Will she not take any crap from other people?

I have printed off this list and will look it over every.single.night to make sure we don't eff her up.

50 Rules for Dads of Daughters

1. Love her mom. Treat her mother with respect, honor, and a big heaping spoonful of public displays of affection. When she grows up, the odds are good she’ll fall in love with and marry someone who treats her much like you treated her mother. Good or bad, that’s just the way it is. I’d prefer good.
2. Always be there. Quality time doesn’t happen without quantity time. Hang out together for no other reason than just to be in each other’s presence. Be genuinely interested in the things that interest her. She needs her dad to be involved in her life at every stage. Don’t just sit idly by while she adds years to her life… add life to her years.

3. Save the day. She’ll grow up looking for a hero. It might as well be you. She’ll need you to come through for her over and over again throughout her life. Rise to the occasion. Red cape and blue tights optional.

4. Savor every moment you have together. Today she’s crawling around the house in diapers, tomorrow you’re handing her the keys to the car, and before you know it, you’re walking her down the aisle. Some day soon, hanging out with her old man won’t be the bees knees anymore. Life happens pretty fast. You better cherish it while you can.

5. Pray for her. Regularly. Passionately. Continually.

6. Buy her a glove and teach her to throw a baseball. Make her proud to throw like a girl… a girl with a wicked slider.

7. She will fight with her mother. Choose sides wisely.

8. Go ahead. Buy her those pearls.

9. Of course you look silly playing peek-a-boo. You should play anyway.

10. Enjoy the wonder of bath time.

11. There will come a day when she asks for a puppy. Don’t over think it. At least one time in her life, just say, “Yes.”

12. It’s never too early to start teaching her about money. She will still probably suck you dry as a teenager… and on her wedding day.

13. Make pancakes in the shape of her age for breakfast on her birthday. In a pinch, donuts with pink sprinkles and a candle will suffice.

14. Buy her a pair of Chucks as soon as she starts walking. She won’t always want to wear matching shoes with her old man.

15. Dance with her. Start when she’s a little girl or even when she’s a baby. Don’t wait until her wedding day.

16. Take her fishing. She will probably squirm more than the worm on your hook. That’s OK.

17. Learn to say no. She may pitch a fit today, but someday you’ll both be glad you stuck to your guns.

18. Tell her she’s beautiful. Say it over and over again. Someday an animated movie or “beauty” magazine will try to convince her otherwise.

19. Teach her to change a flat. A tire without air need not be a major panic inducing event in her life. She’ll still call you crying the first time it happens.

20. Take her camping. Immerse her in the great outdoors. Watch her eyes fill with wonder the first time she sees the beauty of wide open spaces. Leave the iPod at home.

21. Let her hold the wheel. She will always remember when daddy let her drive.

22. She’s as smart as any boy. Make sure she knows that.

23. When she learns to give kisses, she will want to plant them all over your face. Encourage this practice.

24. Knowing how to eat sunflower seeds correctly will not help her get into a good college. Teach her anyway.

25. Letting her ride on your shoulders is pure magic. Do it now while you have a strong back and she’s still tiny.

26. It is in her nature to make music. It’s up to you to introduce her to the joy of socks on a wooden floor.

27. If there’s a splash park near your home, take her there often. She will be drawn to the water like a duck to a puddle.

28. She will eagerly await your return home from work in the evenings. Don’t be late.

29. If her mom enrolls her in swim lessons, make sure you get in the pool too. Don’t be intimidated if there are no other dads there. It’s their loss.

30. Never miss her birthday. In ten years she won’t remember the present you gave her. She will remember if you weren’t there.

31. Teach her to roller skate. Watch her confidence soar.

32. Let her roll around in the grass. It’s good for her soul. It’s not bad for yours either.

33. Take her swimsuit shopping. Don’t be afraid to veto some of her choices, but resist the urge to buy her full-body beach pajamas.

34. Somewhere between the time she turns three and her sixth birthday, the odds are good that she will ask you to marry her. Let her down gently.

35. She’ll probably want to crawl in bed with you after a nightmare. This is a good thing.

36. Few things in life are more comforting to a crying little girl than her father’s hand. Never forget this.

37. Introduce her to the swings at your local park. She’ll squeal for you to push her higher and faster. Her definition of “higher and faster” is probably not the same as yours. Keep that in mind.

38. When she’s a bit older, your definition of higher and faster will be a lot closer to hers. When that day comes, go ahead… give it all you’ve got.

39. Holding her upside down by the legs while she giggles and screams uncontrollably is great for your biceps. WARNING: She has no concept of muscle fatigue.

40. She might ask you to buy her a pony on her birthday. Unless you live on a farm, do not buy her a pony on her birthday. It’s OK to rent one though.

41. Take it easy on the presents for her birthday and Christmas. Instead, give her the gift of experiences you can share together.

42. Let her know she can always come home. No matter what.

43. Remember, just like a butterfly, she too will spread her wings and fly some day. Enjoy her caterpillar years.

44. Write her a handwritten letter every year on her birthday. Give them to her when she goes off to college, becomes a mother herself, or when you think she needs them most.

45. Learn to trust her. Gradually give her more freedom as she gets older. She will rise to the expectations you set for her.

46. When in doubt, trust your heart. She already does.

47. When your teenage daughter is upset, learning when to engage and when to back off will add years to YOUR life. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

48. Ice cream covers over a multitude of sins. Know her favorite flavor.

49. This day is coming soon. There’s nothing you can do to be ready for it. The sooner you accept this fact, the easier it will be.

50. Today she’s walking down the driveway to get on the school bus. Tomorrow she’s going off to college. Don’t blink.



  1. I absolutely loved this, Valerie! I wasn't lucky enough to be born to a good father who was a good influence. Luckily, I did later get one through adoption. It is so true though that girls do often marry men who remind them in some way of their fathers. Eddie is so much like my dad in lots of ways. One of the main reason I hope to one day have a daughter is for Eddie. I think he needs to experience the kind of love I have for our sons. I know he is also head over heels in love with his boys, but I just think it is a different kind of love, ya know? I can't wait to read and you and Josh's journey of parenting a girl. This list is a good start to the journey!

    1. Ugh, errors from typing too fast and not proofreading! :-( *reasons* *about* instead of "and"

  2. That was beautiful. I'm never going to have a daughter (our baby making days are over), but someday in many, many, many years I hope to have a daughter in law(s) and perhaps a granddaughter. Which means nothing in regards to this list. Ha!

  3. Replies
    1. yep--and that's the right attitude.

  4. My advice come from my mother who was a great mother! Bit your tunge and you get what you give. I had every intention of following this with my in her teenage years. I have found it to be quite helpful with her at 3. She started giving me 15 yr old girl sas. I tried to address it and it made it worse. Over the past few months I have focused on the content of what she says and ignored or (bit my tunge) the delivery method (sas). Amazing results the sas has completely stopped. She is strong and independed but those are qualities I want her to have so no problem. You will do great. As with any baby/kid you get what you give. Treat them both all the time as you want to be treated. Good positive energy makes for a happy family. (I will get back to you in 12 yrs and let you know if it works in the long run!)

  5. Bite...sorry my iPad is too helpful sometimes.

  6. That is beautiful Valerie! I love that list. And look the fact that you guys are so aware about being good parents means your already ahead in the game. Some parents don't take the time to read or look at a list like this. You guys got this, this little girl and Oliver will be blessed kids! :)

  7. So I guess it makes me pretty lucky that my dad was the one who did all (okay, most) of these things. He made me the parent and person I am today, and he isn't here to see it or for me to thank him. Y'all are gonna be great with Caroline, just as you are with Oliver. Thanks for posting this.

  8. You know what Anne, I was honestly thinking about you as I was reading this. Your father sounds like he was amazing and his loss must have been just awful. I really do envy women like you who have such a positive male figure in their life.