We are now officially less than one week away from our move from South Carolina to Massachusetts and I guess I have a few things to say. Hopefully just getting them out there will make me feel better and I can maybe free myself of the fear I have lingering in my head right now.
I am beyond terrified. There are so many things that have gone wrong and/or not as planned from this stupid move that I'm really starting to rethink things. I feel like I'm about to go into this move like I have in moves in the past where I'm bitter and resentful from the start. Apparently I have almost $1,200 in excise taxes due to the state of Massachusetts which means I can't get my license until I pay them. No big deal right? Sure, as long as I didn't need a damn license in order to apply for Mass Health so I can have health insurance to cover the baby I'm going to have in five months. So, blow #1. Wouldn't be so bad if the "done deal" job Josh "got" had actually fallen into place. Instead, the people won't return any of his phone calls and we are back to freaking square one.
Now I may be the one who actually has to go out and get a job, yet again. I'm so sick and tired of being the one with an education and having to worry about making money to support our family. I honestly feel like God is punishing us for being able to have children with relative ease by making all this other shit so much more complicated. If this is the plight we have to face in order to have healthy, beautiful children then I am all for that. I know how blessed we are and I don't ever take that for granted. It would be nice, just freaking once, to have other things go right.
We are walking away from our house. As in, letting the bank take it. I know in my heart this part isn't a huge issue but actually saying it out loud makes me feel like a total loser. Guess it couldn't come at a more perfect time considering Josh just told me today he noticed while he was getting our stuff out of the attic that the roof is leaking now. Those things tend to happen when a roof is fixed in 25 years.
We are also voluntarily letting the bank come get Josh's truck. I have been in a lot of bad money situations in my life but I have never had a car taken away from me. I think the reality of everything is hitting me hard and I'm physically ill over it. While everyone else around me is all rainbows and butterflies about this move, I just want to cry and run away. Or throw up.
It's going to be a damn clown car at my mom's house for a while, trying to figure things out and save enough money to where we can get our own place. 34 years old and living with my mom again. Doesn't get much more loser than that.
I'm sorry that this post is such a bummer this evening but I feel like y'all are my friends and I want to confide in my friends about how I really feel about things. I've been just kind of chugging along, pretending like all is hunky doory and I KNOW things will work out because I won't have a choice but to make them work out.
After all that, I promise I do hope everyone has had a wonderful weekend. We've been packing and trying to take little breaks here and there to get our minds off things. I get to sleep in one more morning tomorrow and that means one less day of work I have to go to next week. Hope everyone has a great holiday and extended weekend!