My education

Since somebody asked, I'll explain my education woes for a minute.

I was really stupid and my parents were going through a divorce in 1996 (the year I graduated from high school).  Basically, my mom dumped me at USC when the ink hadn't even dried on their divorce, moved to Massachusetts and expected me to be ready to handle all that.  Surprise, surprise, I was not.  So, I lasted one semester then dropped out because I couldn't handle the pressure.

That back story to say that I've pretty much been in school off and on since then, trying to get my Bachelor's Degree.  I've moved to various states and each time would lose a little of the credits I had earned. 

In 2006, I moved back to South Carolina and started at USC.  I knew this was it and I was going to finish no matter what.  In May 2009 I FINALLY got my Bachelor's Degree in English and enrolled in the MLIS program, also at USC, for August.  May 2011 (the day before I got married), I got my Master's Degree in Library and Information Science from USC. 

I guess I should back up and say literally this entire time I have been working full time and going to school full time.  Actually, I have been at my current job exactly 4 years ago today.  I am a legal assistant which basically is a nothing position (no offense to any legal assistants out there).  You need no degree to do it and I will absolutely never do anything higher in my company.  So, I get this job while I'm still working on my Bachelor's and also while I was in Graduate School. 

Now I sit with three degrees (I actually got an Associate's Degree along the way somewhere but that isn't important).  I have the same job I had four years ago with no degree and 200+ applications later, the prospect of going somewhere else doesn't look quite so realistic.  Couple that with the fact that, on paper, I should be making at least $15,000 more than I am now because I have an advanced degree and I feel like it's a complete waste.  I could have saved myself the $100,000.00 debt (which is probably in default because I cannot afford the $700 a month payment because of my current salary), the years of headache and stress and just stayed where I am now.  Instead, I could cover my house, your houses and all of our cars with the rejection after rejection I have received. 

Friday's Letters

It's that time of the week again.  I am really starting to look forward to these lately.  You know it, linking with the lovely Ms. Ashley.  Go check her out!!  Girl is really stylish.  Sigh, I'd love to be that one day.  Alas, I digress....

Dear Dos:  Really funny.  Really, really funny.  Now, knock it off.  Seriously, you must be a girl with all the drama you're causing.  Sheesh.

Dear AC:  I wrote to you last week and I'm writing again.  It's going to be 104 today, tomorrow and Sunday.  Please, please, please keep on chugging along.

Dear Bloggie Friends:  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayers, well wishes and good vibes yesterday.  It's really nice to have a support system to cheer me on.  I was terrified last night and your pick me ups meant so much.

Dear Josh:  Sorry for getting mad at you for yawning last night.  I was emotional, it's your baby's fault.  Hmph.  But I do love you and I'm really sorry.

Dear VA:  Please get your ish together and have my stepdad's benefits come through.  My mom as miserable as she is is breaking my heart.  I cannot handle how sad she is.  Do this so they can move.  K great, thanks.

Dear SC OBGYN:  Thank you for calling me within five minutes of my frantic page AND squeezing me in to get an ultrasound this morning.  Even though this isn't my first go round on the whole baby train, blood scares anyone and y'all really don't ever make me feel stupid for being worried.

Sigh, I just love him.

I hope everyone has had a wonderful week and your weekend is great as well.  I'll start doing my preggo posts on Sundays, I think, since that's when the new weeks start.  9 weeks, I'm looking at you!!

Good news

I am still in shock that all is healthy and Dos is doing great. I have never been more scared than I was last night. I know these things happen but it's still a shock seeing bright red blood out of nowhere (sorry if that was tmi).

So it's all explained and everything is good now. I am so relieved.

Thank y'all so very much for your kind words. I read all of them again and again last night to make myself feel better. Thank you!!

Scared

I don't want to sound dramatic but I started bleeding about an hour ago. This has never happened before. I talked to the on call at my OB and I'm supposed to go in tomorrow at 8:15. I'm scared. I don't want to be a statistic.

It's Ok Thursday #1

Hi everybody!  I'm linking up with Amber to try something different today.

IT'S OK....

that I really don't want to talk about anything meaningful today because I'm a little tired and grouchy.

that I want to just go outside and scream at the top of my lungs sometimes.

that I think Oliver is hands down the cutest thing that's ever lived.

that I regret wasting my time and money getting an education.

that, even with the above, I am so excited that Josh is getting his degree.

that I drink one glass of sweet tea every single day because that is the only thing that settles my stomach.

that I haven't bought anything for Baby Dos yet.

to go to bed at 9 every single night the past week.

I AM SO THANKFUL

For Josh.  Seriously, I don't know how you put up with me, especially while I'm pregnant.  

For Aunt JCC.  Too many reasons to count, honestly.

For Oliver.  You are such a fun kid these days.

For my AC.  Please don't fail us now.  3 days of over 100 coming up.  This girlie is scared!!

Humpday Randoms

Why hello there!  It's Wednesday, thank goodness.  Hope everyone is having a wonderful week thus far. 

Aunt JCC and I took Oliver to welcome our Gamecocks home yesterday.  Let me just say, I was very disappointed how they handled themselves.  Guess coming home without a trophy meant they could be smug and not even pretend to be excited to see the 1,000+ people there waiting to welcome them home.  Oh well.

Does anyone else feel sometimes like the blog world is a little cliquey?  I think I've read a few posts while just checking out new sites about how some blogs just seem so inaccessible.  I do love some of the big ones but I feel like the authors only ever comment when their friend posts something.  Maybe I'm just overly sensitive.

Still feeling sick, although I have been eating literally all day trying to combat it and that seems to ease the symptoms somewhat.  I can do this!  At some point I'll start doing the weekly posts of where I am, if anyone even wants to know that info.

I appreciate all the feedback on my in law situation.  I think we are just going to stay the course at this point.  It's nice to know that should I choose to keep Josh's mom out of Oliver's life, I'm not a terrible person for doing so.  I think that's where my real worry was.  I only want what's best for my children.

I am looking forward to next week and getting a little break for a day off.  It'll be nice to have some down time since work has been really crazy and stressful lately.  Of course it has!  If I wasn't pregnant, it'd be rainbows and butterflies here. 

My dogs are weird.  Seriously. 

I guess this post is the epitome of random today!!  Thanks for stopping by and say hello if you get a minute.  I'm thrilled to get to meet some new friends because of this little blog.  Have a great rest of the week!!!

Sometimes and Always #5

Hey everybody!  Definitely going to keep this post lighthearted considering what I talked about yesterday.  I'm linking up with Megan.  You should definitely go check her out!

Sometimes I really think this baby is going to kill me.
Always I feel so blessed to be experiencing this again.  Will I do it a third time?  Jury is still out on that one!!

Sometimes I have a headache and need to go home and lie down for the rest of the night.
Always I am so thankful for such a loving and understanding hubby.  Seriously, he took care of everything last night.

Dewey even came up and kept me company.

Sometimes I wish for the weekends to hurry up and get here.
Always Sunday night comes around and I wonder where did the time go??

Getting lunch on Saturday.  Seriously, my boy can sleep anywhere.

Sometimes I get frustrated when Oliver gets fussy, which really does happen.
Always I remember that he's, overall, a good baby and we can't complain.

He cries because we don't feed him fast enough so what do I do?  I get a picture of it.  He he he.

Sometimes I freak out that my newborn has morphed into a baby that rolls in his sleep and scares the crap out of me.
Always I remember that whatever will be will be and I can't protect him 24/7.  Must let him get his own bumps and bruises!!

The blanket and legs crossed are all me!  Seriously, he may look like Josh's twin but he's got my temper and way of sleeping.  Love it!!

Sometimes I get frustrated with where we are right now and wish I could change things.
Always I love my husband and remember why I married him.  He's a goofball too which makes life much more enjoyable.

Cheesy $.50 70s porn star mustache from a vending machine.  It's scary how much this suits him. 

Now, go visit Megan and link up with her today.  Hope everyone is having a good week so far!!  Thanks so much for stopping by and for making our little family a part of yours. 

My dilemma

I want to preface all of this by saying that I'm not trying to air my dirty laundry or bash anyone in a public forum.  I feel at this point like I could really use some advice because the people closest to me are just a little too close to the situation.

The story begins 6 years ago when my then 21 year old husband (who I hadn't met yet) was convinced by his stepdad to buy his childhood home.  This was done on the guise of it'll help your credit and we will buy the house back in a year.  Okay, fair enough.  Josh is the kindest person I have ever met in my life and I know in my heart he did this to help his mom and stepdad out.

Fast forward to February of 2011 when Josh and I get engaged.  I'm a practical person (at least I think I am) and thought okay I am about to get my Master's degree and we have no need for this house in South Carolina anymore since my original plan was to get my degree and move to DC (sigh, if only I were that young and stupid to think it would be that simple now but I digress).  I was renting a house from a friend, that I loved living in and hated moving from, but all I kept thinking was why in the hell would I pay rent on a house when Josh has a home he owns???  So, we go to his stepdad on numerous occasions and say okay you can buy the house back right now or we're going to have to move in, fix it up and sell it.  Josh's stepdad had been basically the rental agent on the home since, we learned over the course of this past year, he really just needed the house out of his name so they could take the enormous proceeds from the sale and open their now failing restaurant.  Does it make me a bad person that I'm enjoying the fact that they're going to lose their business by the end of the year?  If it does, I'm okay with that.

I could give more back story but I'm guessing it'll just end up sounding like a long winded tirade on my part.  I'm only telling the story to emphasize that Josh and I really do have a legitimate reason to be angry.  The house was a disaster and needs numerous extremely expensive repairs before we can even think about selling it.  Think brand new air conditioning (ours is 33 years old), foundation repair and possible replacement, it needs to be rewired (yep, we live in a home that has original 1950s electricity...safe, right?) and the plumbing needs to be redone. 

All of the above is why Josh will no longer have a relationship with his mom.  We blocked her, his stepdad and his half sister from our Facebooks so they couldn't have contact with any of us.  Turns out, his mom was still using someone to get information about Oliver which enrages me more than anything on this planet.  She won't just suck it up and be a decent human being but she'll go on and on about how cute Oliver is and how much he looks like Josh??  Am I wrong for wanting to literally go psychotic about this?  I am not lying when I say the woman has literally never laid eyes on my child in person in his 6 months on this earth.

I think what has sent me over the edge is apparently she knows about my current pregnancy.  I don't know how because it's not Facebook official and, seriously, there is absolutely no way Josh's mom is smart enough to know about a blog.  Honestly, imagine for a second the dumbest person you have ever met in your life and double that.  That's about where Josh's mom fits on the intelligence scale.  I'm not saying that because I hate her, I promise.  I realized from almost day one that the woman is not an intelligent person and believes everything that is ever told to her.  Ha ha, she thinks her family moved away as a child because her dad didn't like black people.  Bless her heart, if she were to actually open her eyes she'd know that her dad was a crook and had to leave his town because he stole money as the clerk of court.

I know I've probably lost a lot of people by this point because this post is so long.  I guess I just have to tell my side so I don't seem like a total brat who hates my mother in law.  Now I need to know what to do.  I'm so angry that my child doesn't have a relationship with his grandmother.  Is this fixable??  What what y'all do if you were in my position?  My mom does the whole wipe the slate clean route, which is fine, if it's just Josh's mom involved.  However, she won't have anything to do with us without her husband and they will literally have to kill me for him to have anything to do with my children.  Period.   Help, help, help!!

Go Gamecocks!!

Well, we are about 20 minutes out from Game 1 of the College World Series between America's Team, the South Carolina Gamecocks, and Arizona. To say the mood here is electric is an understatement. I love college sports with a passion. This time of year for the past 3 years has been so much fun!!

So, let's go Gamecocks!! I'm so proud of our boys for making it to their third championship game. We are watching history people!

I guess it's pretty obvious my blood runs garnet and black only. Let's do this!!

I'm going to check back in with y'all tomorrow about my in law situation. I'm really needing some advice. It's too much to even type tonight but I could really use some insight from an impartial person so I'll get that up tomorrow. Thanks guys!!

Thank you

I just wanted to say a quick note of thanks to everybody who has stopped by today to say hello.  I know it may not seem like much but it has really brightened my day to get a few new followers and comments as well.  Seriously, thank you so much!!  What a great way to start the weekend.

Friday's Letters

That picture doesn't relate to this post, not really anyway, but whatever.  He's ready for the big game tonight!

I'm linking up with Ashley for these Friday's Letters.  Hope everyone has had a great week!!

Dear Oliver:  Please stay exactly as you are, my sweet little boy.  You are grown into a true gem and I am so happy to be your mommy.  Even the raspberries covered in cereal and carrots make me die laughing.

Dear Dos:  Please keep growing big and strong.  It was wonderful to see you yesterday and watch the blip of your heart on the screen.  Brought tears to mommy and daddy's eyes.

Dear Gamecocks:  Let's do this.  We all could use a 3peat!!!!

Dear Finances:  Lay off.  Enough is enough already.  We could really use a break, please. 

Dear Boss:  I'm not your punching bag.  Would you mind stop pretending like I am?  Thanks.

Dear God:  I know I ask for a lot (at least it feels like it to me sometimes) but can you help my family out some?  We are good people.  Can't we catch a break in the financial struggles department, just for a little while?

Dear Josh's Mom:  We are having a second baby.  I need you to get your shit together.  You still haven't met your now 6 month old grandson.  We live 15 minutes from you.  This is getting ridiculous.  Fix it.

Family of 4?

Well, it appears that, God willing, we're going to have a new addition to our family.  I'm so shocked right now I don't even know what to say.  I guess I had prepared myself for the worst and the ultrasound tech said almost immediately well there's your baby and it's got a heartbeat.  Tears followed.

My EDD is February 3, 2013. 

Let me just say that I'm happy, really really happy.  I guess this is one of those times where you think, I'm actually getting exactly what I wanted.  When I got pregnant with Oliver, I kept thinking okay I hope I can get pregnant with a second one so he can have a brother or sister.  And now, here I am.  This is so surreal. 

Now, the looooooong waiting begins!!! 

Humpday Randoms

Oliver woke up at 2:30 this morning and didn't go back to sleep until almost 5.  What????  Not sure what's happening to my sweet baby.

I'm terrified of Oliver having something wrong with him and these little personality quirks right after he had shots on Monday are FREAKING ME OUT!

Guess he needed some mommy snuggles after work/daycare yesterday. 

My animals have been so weird lately.  Last time around, Dewey was terrified of me while I was pregnant.  Now, I've got two random companions who normally could care less about me.

Yes, she is as crazy as she looks.  Roxie will steal your soul.

Sweet Gertrude.  Although she's too stupid to know why she's cuddling anything. 

I really need an attitude adjustment.  I honestly feel very stuck right now.  I am starting to feel like a broken record.

Tomorrow is my ultrasound appointment, at 11:30.  Guess we will find out for sure one way or the other. 

Can you try and lose weight while you're pregnant?  I feel really stupid even asking that.  Just curious!

Well, I guess that's all I've got for today.  We're halfway through to the weekend.  Woo hoo!!!  Hope everyone is having a fantastic week so far.

Sometimes and Always #4

Sometimes Especially lately, I've been telling myself I can no longer do this and want to give up.
Always I remember that I've accomplished everything I've ever set out to achieve.  This too shall pass, even the constant sickness and wanting to stay home for a while.

Sometimes I get so mad that I bothered with my education at all.
Always I hope that things will change.

Sometimes I wish I had family around.
Always I am thankful for the little family that I do have.

Sometimes I FaceTime with my mom, crying about feeling sick and worrying about how we will make all of this work.
Always I am so grateful to be pregnant again and know that things happen for a reason.

Sometimes I wish I knew how to play a musical instrument.
Always I can play the iPod I have in my head.

Sometimes I actually get to watch an entire baseball game, except for the ones that start at 9:00 p.m.  Seriously, who schedules a game that late???
Always I have dreams about our Gamecocks and wonder how the game turns out. 

Head on over to Mackey Madness and link up with Ms. Megan.  Hope everyone has a good Tuesday!!

Weekend recap

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!  And all the dads were celebrated for being wonderful.  My mom ordered Josh a cookie cake so we surprised him with that on Saturday morning.  Seriously, we were swimming in sweets this weekend between the birthday cake for Aunt JCC and the cookie cake for daddy. 

I asked for the sickness and I'm definitely getting what I wished for.  Saturday night was so bad I honestly thought I was miscarrying because of how horrible I felt.  We went to a friend's birthday party and I guess Dos does not like sausage balls and baked beans.  Seriously, I thought I was going to die.  It was damn near impossible to watch the College World Series (Go Gamecocks) in between running to the bathroom to be sick.  Blech. 

We took Oliver to the pool again yesterday and actually managed a smile out of him!  And laughter!!  I feel like this is huge for him.  He loves his bathtub but I guess the pool is going to take some getting used to.  Right now, he whines when he first hits the cold water and freezes like a deer in headlights until he gets out. 

Oliver and daddy doing what they do best.

Out for Aunt Jill's birthday party.  Happy birthday Aunt Jill!!!!

My future playmaker.  This photo just melts my heart. 

I was still a little under the weather so I guess I had company in the form of these two nurses.

My kid is one cool dude.  Admit it!

Well, I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.  Happy Monday everybody. 

Happy Father's Day, Josh

I know everyone thinks their husband is the best daddy in the world and I'm sure he is.  To Oliver, Josh is the absolute BEST daddy on the planet and I really don't know how I got so lucky.  You know that game of how to build the perfect man, where you take so many parts this, so many parts that and mix them together?  I promise I got all of that and more. 

Josh, you are a wonderful father and the best person I know.  I know times are a little rough for right and I know this too shall pass.  As long as I have you by my side, everything will be fine.

I wish I could have witnessed this.  Josh looks so excited.  He said all he wanted to do was pick Oliver up and love on him.
Oh yeah, and that's what a 10 lb 4 oz brand new baby looks like.  Yikes.

Josh was so nervous!

He couldn't wait to do some skin to skin with Oliver.

Even the dog is obsessed with Josh.

Proud papa showing Oliver the baseball stadium for the first time.

Josh, I hope you have a wonderful Father's Day.  I love you.  Oliver loves you.  Dewey loves you.  You are the best role model I could have ever imagined for our little boy.  Please do not ever change.  I love you exactly as you are.  I am so lucky to be your wife and baby mama. 

Oliver is 6 months!

I cannot believe I'm sitting here typing about how my baby is half a year old today.  I can remember very vividly daddy driving me to the hospital at about 9:15 a.m. and laughing at him the entire way because he had only shaved half of his face.  Seriously, how can someone have half a mustache?  Just goes to show how excited he was, I guess.

 
How have you gone from this....

To this??

You have almost 2 teeth (on the bottom) now!  We have been waiting not so patiently for them to finally rear their ugly heads since you have been kind of a bear because of them.  I think just a few more weeks and they will be all the way out.

You can roll from back to front and front to back, although you're not all that interested in doing that very often.  Thank goodness you will spend more time during tummy time lately.  I hated listening to you scream bloody murder when we'd make you do it a few months ago.

You love every type of food.  Honestly, I haven't fed you anything yet that you didn't like.  I think your personal favorites are carrots, sweet potatoes and bananas.  You got to try pizza crust last weekend and you loved it as well!

At your checkup a few weeks ago you weighed 22.4 pounds so I guess we will find out your current weight when we go in on Monday afternoon. 

We are buying you size 4 diapers for the first time this weekend and I'm a little sad by this.  I can tell you're starting to slim down in some areas since you're so busy all the time but size 4 seems like such a big boy. 

You usually sleep from about 7 p.m. to 7 a.m., depending on how many mini naps you've gotten throughout the day.  We are so lucky that you're such a good sleeper!

Oliver, please know that you are without a doubt the light of my soul and I feel like I had no idea what it meant to be alive and love until I saw your smiling face.  You are truly a blessing and I hope you always know how much we love you.  I cannot imagine my life without you now.  I had a very difficult time dropping you at daycare this morning because you kept smiling and laughing at me.

I love you a bushel and a peck my sweet boy. 

Friday's Letters #2

Woo hoo, Friday is finally here.  I'm doing a little dance right now, if you can't tell.  What what.  Anyway, tomorrow my baby turns 6 months old so I'll have something special for him.  Sigh, where has the time gone?

Without further ado, my letters...

Dear Dewey, If you decide to take a mud bath one more time I really may kill you.  Seriously, you smelled like a slug dipped in poop.  Death, my friend, death.  Stupid dog.  Dear Columbia, Would you mind going a little easy on me with the humidity?  This is very difficult for a pregnant mama, especially one that Zofran doesn't seem to help.  True story.  Dear Mom, I'm going to need you to take your crazy juice down about 2 notches.  Seriously, I don't know where my mom went but, if you find her, could you please send her back?  Thanks.  Dear Weekend, Please hurry up and get here!  I'm so ready to relax and have some time to myself!!  Dear Joshy, Please don't give up on me.  We've only got like 9 more weeks of this before I feel like a normal human being again.  We can do this.  Dear Thursday, Please be kind with whatever results we find out from my ultrasound.

Everyone have a fantastic weekend!!!  Catch ya on the flip side.

Happy Birthday Aunt JCC

The most amazing friend I've ever known celebrates her birthday today.  Today, she is the big 2-5.  Sometimes life has a weird way of working out in ways you never thought possible.  Think for a second about that friend that you go to for anything.  That's what Julia is to not only me but Oliver as well.  Hell, I know Josh loves her almost as much as I do.

So, Happy Birthday Julia, JCC, JuJu, Jules, Sister Wife, Wisteria Wife...however you would like to be called.  Just know I love you and would be lost without you in my life.

She helps me move.

 
She embraces her bad, humidity laden Charleston hair.

We Barbie camp, complete with an attempt at fishing.

We get up insanely early, fighting sand fleas and the cold to watch the sun rise at Tybee Island.
Sidebar:  She once hated the beach.  I'm taking full pleasure and credit for getting her to change her mind.

We go on dolphin tours.

She even loves my animals.
Sidebar:  She once hated animals.  Again, I'm taking total credit for changing her mind on this one.

We enjoy the mountains of Virginia, even when there's not too much to enjoy.  Suck it rednecks, suck it.

She loves Sonia Leigh almost as much as I do.
Sidebar:  Back off, I will cut you if you try and claim #1 fan status!!

She's been there through the big stuff.

And, most importantly, she loves my baby almost as much as I do. 

I thank God every day that I have her because having a baby is hard work, especially when Josh is working so hard to get his education.  I hope today is better than you could have ever imagined.  Please don't give up on yourself JCC.  If the beginning of this blog is any consolation, good things WILL come at the proper time.  Seriously, I have a BABY.  And having another one!!  Remember who I was when you met me before that long ass drive to Alabama. 

And not just to JCC but to anybody else reading, things do get better.  I never in a billion years thought I'd ever be married or have one kid, let alone be blessed to be pregnant with a second one.  I guess I'll end this mushy post by saying that for JCC's birthday, to all of those who feel like you aren't where you're supposed to be, give it time.  I promise things change.