Humpday Randoms

I'm sitting here watching Elmo. Who would have ever thought?!?!

Is it normal to start feeling anxious about the arrival of baby number two? I worry I'm short changing Oliver by him not having any mommy and daddy alone time that he will ever remember.

Last night was my first not up half the night coughing. That part is getting old.

Oliver loves spicy food. I had no idea a one year old could love something spicy!!

Some of his birthday and Christmas presents have started arriving. I cannot believe his birthday is like two weeks from this weekend!!! It's amazing how fast time flies by.

Oliver is crawling and pulling up like a champ. I swear it feels like any second he's going to just stand up and run away.

Josh is working at Cape Cod today. Seriously I'm soooo jealous. I'm trying to make up an excuse to go visit him. It's the Cape!!!

Well I hope everyone has had a good week so far. I try to keep up but I've been so sick lately but hopefully that's behind me now. Fingers crossed anyway.

My boy this week:

30 Weeks

How far along? 30 weeks

Baby's size? Cucumber

Weight gain? Gained 3 more pounds. I am so embarrassed by what the scale says

Maternity clothes? Fatty. Total fatty

Stretch marks? I've gained and lost weight so much throughout my lifetime so I've had stretch marks since high school. Yay me

Belly Button in or out? Should stay an inny like last time. It's starting to take on that weird pregnancy belly button now

Sleeping? I'm sick. Again. So coughing all night with a sore throat is just a nightmare. Sickness is why I've been MIA on here lately

Foods I'm loving? Nothing lately

Foods I'm hating? Nothing lately

Movement? Kicks, punches, rolls galore

Best moment this week? Scheduling my csection for Friday January 25, 2013, at 9 a.m.

Symptoms? Getting very large and uncomfortable

Gender? GIRL

What I miss? Sleeping on my stomach. Not being tired all the time. Being able to play with Oliver without straining

What I'm looking forward to? My next appointment. Get to have another ultrasound because I'm measuring eight weeks ahead

Milestones: Knowing her birthday

Emotions: I'm still all over the place. Why am I so emotional this time around?!?!?

And yeah I'm wearing new footie pajamas. Figured I'd change things up a bit. Hope everyone is having a good weekend and had a wonderful thanksgiving!!

She's got a birthday

Gotta love modern medicine, huh?

Barring any complications or her having other plans, baby CeCe should be here on January 25, 2013 sometime mid morning. I am still trying to wrap my mind around that!

Josh and I went to New York City last weekend to see Zac Brown Band at Madison square garden and I'll have to post pictures from that once we've recovered from our whirlwind trip.

Hope everyone is well!!!!!

29 Weeks

How far along? 29 weeks

Baby's size? Acorn squash

Weight gain? Gained 3 pounds since my appointment at the beginning of September. Think I'm up 15 lbs total

Maternity clothes? Fatty. Total fatty

Stretch marks? I've gained and lost weight so much throughout my lifetime so I've had stretch marks since high school. Yay me

Belly Button in or out? Should stay an inny like last time. It's starting to take on that weird pregnancy belly button now

Sleeping? The abscess last week has made sleep a memory again. Oh the pain!!!!!

Foods I'm loving? Back to pizza. Although we had dinner tonight and Josh loved the garlic aoli while I loved the maple butter. Go figure?

Foods I'm hating? Nothing lately

Movement? Kicks, punches, rolls galore

Best moment this week? It's been a pretty uneventful week minus the trip to the er. I also had to have a non stress test as a result but it was okay. Got to hear her moving and her little heart just beating away

Symptoms? Getting very large and uncomfortable

Gender? GIRL

What I miss? Sleeping on my stomach. Not being tired all the time. Being able to play with Oliver without straining

What I'm looking forward to? My appointment on Monday. Joshy gets to go!

Milestones: Third Trimester!!!! I've also got 10 weeks left. Where has the time gone??

Emotions: I'm just all over the place. I am the cliche weepy pregnant lady

Humpday Randoms

New Hampshire is getting boring. It's too cold to do anything fun and I'm starting to think Oliver hates me and this hotel room.

I woke up today under the assumption that Oliver and I were going home tomorrow. Nope. Staying until Friday now. Ugh.

I am really bad with money. Seriously I need to be a grown up.

Josh and I are going to New York on Saturday to see ZBB at Madison Square Garden. All I keep thinking about is money.

Oliver has been coughing all day and he's got a runny nose. For some reason this has sent me into full on insane panic mode. I'm just so sure something bad is going to happen to him. I may have lost my mind.

Out excitement for the day? Going to the laundromat. Seriously, be jealous.

One more abscess and there will be no more children from this womb. I swear I can't handle anymore pain like what I had yesterday. We are talking Vicodin people. And I'm 7 months pregnant!!!!

We brought Dewey with us and I'm now officially hating my dog. He's pretty much the wussiest dog that has ever lived. And barks or growls at the slightest noise. All. Day. Long. It's especially fun when Oliver is napping. Dewey almost went out to the car a few times today. In 20 degree weather. Sigh.

Yep this may be my most random yet. Hope everyone is having a great week so far!!!

Not okay

I rode up with Josh on Sunday to the White Mountains in New Hampshire for the week. To escape for a bit. To have some family time. To not have to constantly be worried about my stepdad.

So here I am with yet another abscess. Oliver has been coughing pretty much non stop. I'm 4 hours from home. Really??????

Ugh I don't mean to complain. Sometimes when it rains it pours I guess.

Pregnant a second time around

I was thinking last night if there were any major differences between being pregnant the first time versus subsequent times. Granted, I am not an expert by any means but man alive have I found a few things that are very different!!!!!

Naps? What the hell are those?
With Oliver I'd come home after work and relax before I made dinner, if I even made it at all. Now I'm chasing an 11 month old around, wondering when he's going to finally take a nap so I can rest myself.

Remember counting down those weeks?
Yep, I'm in my third trimester and I honestly wonder every single day where the time has gone. I swear time went backwards when I was pregnant with Oliver. This time? We toured the hospital yesterday!!!! How am I far enough along to be worrying about the hospital I'm delivering at????

Eating small meals throughout the day.
I barely get a chance to sit down and eat once a day let alone all day long. I eat more of Oliver's food than anything else at this point.

Keeping up with laundry and house cleaning.
Ha ha you're funny.

Want to know one thing that hasn't changed? Showering. I will never give that one luxury up!!! But yeah, showering is definitely a luxury now.

Going somewhere spontaneously.
It takes a village and an entire isle of Target to take a baby somewhere. I've got diapers wipes and bottles stashed in every vehicle I might drive, Wubbanubs in every car seat and two diaper bags. Why does one little person take so much effort??

Like I said, I'm no expert. Being pregnant this time, however, has definitely been challenging. I feel bad for Dos already.

28 weeks

How far along? 28 weeks

Baby's size? Eggplant

Weight gain? Gained 3 pounds since my appointment at the beginning of September. Think I'm up 15 lbs total

Maternity clothes? Fatty. Total fatty

Stretch marks? I've gained and lost weight so much throughout my lifetime so I've had stretch marks since high school. Yay me

Belly Button in or out? Should stay an inny like last time. It's starting to take on that weird pregnancy belly button now

Sleeping? Still not great. Sleep is something I have trouble with this time around. Crazy, crazy dreams. Last time Oliver had me dream about Matt Bomer and Dos keeps making me dream that Josh is leaving me

Foods I'm loving? Soup. Oh holy Panera

Foods I'm hating? Nothing lately

Movement? Kicks, punches, rolls galore

Best moment this week? Having my little passenger around all the time. I chat with her and try to get her to respond. It's weird I know

Symptoms? Getting very large and uncomfortable

Gender? GIRL

What I miss? Sleeping on my stomach. Not being tired all the time. Being able to play with Oliver without straining

What I'm looking forward to? Start appointments every two weeks pretty soon

Milestones: Third Trimester!!!!

Emotions: Okay. It's tough having Josh gone. And this will be tmi but I've completely lost my sex drive and I feel horrible about that. Am I alone in this happening during pregnancy???? My face is broken out and I'm having an upset stomach again. I swear this baby hates me

Humpday Randoms

I was invested in this election but Jesus I'm so glad it's over. So. Damn. Glad.

My mom broke her foot and has been home with me all week. Is it bad I'm kind of glad to have the company?

A mommy friend of mine has been diligently looking for places to live and a job for me near Boston. Wouldn't it be amazing to live in such a bustling area?!?!

It's supposed to snow here today. I'm really not ready for this.

I start my third trimester on Saturday. Again I am not ready for this. I want her here but I am so scared at the same time. Can I really handle this??

The fighting and name calling on social media makes me sad. Whatever happened to people being adults and respecting others opinions? Someone called Julia an idiot on Facebook this morning and I still want to drive to Louisiana and punch him in the face.

I am so proud that my state elected its first woman senator. Sad it's 2012 and that's just now happening but you take what you can get right?

My dog Dewey has lost his damn mind. I swear he needs therapy from our move.

Last thing I'll say about the election I promise...my history books were filled with stories of oppression, hatred and outright atrocities towards people of color. I am so proud to know that Oliver and Cece's history books will show that at least America could look past color and elect a very intelligent man based on his merit and not because of the color of his skin. Whatever my beliefs about political issues, I am so proud that we are learning to be more tolerant.

Just so I'm clear, I'm not a democrat or republican. I believe in equality. Whatever that looks like.

Hello very random post. Guess this was more of a brain dump. Hope everyone is having a good week!!!!

Here's Oliver the past few days.

27 Weeks

I would first like to state that I attempted to post a 26 weeks blog last weekend while in Maine but could not get it to go!!

How far along? 27 weeks

Baby's size? Rutabaga (although she is measuring ahead and is probably almost double what she should be. Yep, another big baby for me!)

Weight gain? Gained 3 pounds since my appointment at the beginning of September

Maternity clothes? Fatty. Total fatty

Stretch marks? I've gained and lost weight so much throughout my lifetime so I've had stretch marks since high school. Yay me

Belly Button in or out? Should stay an inny like last time. It's starting to take on that weird pregnancy belly button now

Sleeping? Still not great. Sleep is something I have trouble with this time around

Foods I'm loving? Pizza.

Foods I'm hating? Nothing lately

Movement? Kicks, punches, rolls galore

Best moment this week? She is definitely making her presence known lately. It makes me almost cry when Oliver is loud and she responds

Symptoms? Getting very large and uncomfortable

Gender? GIRL

What I miss? Sleeping on my stomach. Not being tired all the time. Being able to play with Oliver without straining

What I'm looking forward to? Start appointments every two weeks pretty soon

Milestones: Meeting my new ob. I saw their midwife the first time and she was amazing. Don't know how I feel about the option of having a regular delivery versus a csection. Still trying to process that

Emotions: Okay I guess. My stepdad is being a little difficult and Josh had to leave for New Hampshire after he just got back so that was a little tough. I also failed the one hour glucose test by two damn points so I had to take the three hour test and it wasn't very pleasant. Aside from that, things are muddling along

Crisis of faith

I was recently reading another blog of someone who has had some very challenging times in her life and she always turns back to God and her faith and it got me wondering where that comes from?

Am I just missing that part of my brain? Am I so cynical that the idea of believing in a higher power and not getting upset when something goes wrong are so out of the realm of possibility?

I can tell you that I know the exact moment my faith was lost. I was ten years and almost four months old. In the parking lot of what used to be an outlet mall in front of Carowinds in Charlotte North Carolina. My dad has just told me my sister had died. I remember thinking that we had prayed and wished and hoped for as long as I could remember for this baby and God took her away from us. I was the good little catholic girl, always at mass and attended a private catholic school at that. From that moment on, I hated God. The anger I felt is something I have never experienced since.

So here I am 34 years old and I still wrestle with that. I want so badly to believe and hope and cling to a god who is good and kind. But I keep feeling like I'm being punished for something. I try so hard to remember how lucky I am and how blessed we are to be where we are and have a beautiful and healthy child here and another one making her appearance soon. It's during low times when I'm sitting in my moms house when I think am I so unimportant to god that he will take all of it away from me?

I guess I should reiterate that I am grateful. I just keep hoping that you do what's good and right and eventually good things start happening, right? I can't live where we are forever. I can't go on day in and day out being bitter that I have two degrees that mean nothing. (Sidebar: long before I gave my notice at work I had applied for an assistant job at a university up here...well I got a rejection email from them on Wednesday. Apparently a masters degree and almost fifteen years of legal experience mean I am not qualified for the position).

All this rambling to say that I fully respect and admire y'all who just get it. Who know that god is looking out for you and has your life in his hands. I want so desperately to be one of those people. Instead I worry that I'm going to say something out of turn or speak ill of someone and piss the big guy off to where something else bad happens to me. Or my family.

I hope I haven't offended anyone with this. My intent is only to try and understand a little better. I seriously feel like something is wrong with me when it comes to this part of my existence. Have you always just believed? When bad things happen how do you not feel like you are all alone in this life?

Thursday Randoms

It's not Wednesday. I'm slack. What can I say?

I'm in New Hampshire with Josh for a few days. Nice to get away but I already miss Oliver. We might take a drive north to Canada on Saturday depending on the weather. So exciting!!!

Truth be told, I didn't get anything at LL Bean besides a pair of Bean boots for the snow. Otherwise id be showing off all the stuff I got. Joshy got A LOT of work stuff so hopefully he's set.

Having to take the 3 hour glucose test is not fun. At all. I failed the 1 hour by 2 points. If I get pregnant a third time, I will not be doing that again. No thanks.

Oliver took a five minute nap at daycare today. Do y'all think he likes it? Doesn't want to miss a beat.

I really like my new obs office. They did give me the option of attempting a vbac but I'm not sure how I feel about that. I guess I have time to think about that a little.

Halloween was fun although we didn't take Oliver out trick or treating because it was too cold. He could have cared less either way I think.

Well I guess that's all the randomness I have for today. Hope everyone is well!!

Sandy

As I'm sure y'all are aware, we are bracing ourselves for a little yucky weather in these parts. So far we've had some wind and rain but that's about it.

Josh had to leave for Vermont about an hour ago. Gone again. This is definitely hard to get used to. But, we can do anything!!

We had a good time in Maine, albeit a short trip. We definitely bought out LL Bean and it was fuuuuuuun.

We took a little trip to the coast so josh and Julia could see what it looks like in Maine. All in all it was a good weekend.

I'm heading to my new OB in the morning (hopefully) so I will definitely update on what that's like. I'm kind of excited to see a midwife. Little side note: I actually wanted to be a midwife as a teenager. Oh how life changes!

I hope everyone is doing well. If you're in the path of Sandy, please be safe!

I'm on my phone so I'm going to picture dump from our trip this weekend.

ME or bust

I am currently sitting at Logan airport in Boston waiting for Josh's plane to land. He's finally home!!!!! Considering this storm everyone is talking about, he may be leaving again to help with clean up. We shall see.

We are leaving the airport and heading to Freeport Maine to do a little (lot) shopping at LL Bean. I'm very excited!!!! I've been before but it's been many, many years.

I had a follow up ultrasound this morning and all looks perfect with Dos. I'm feeling almost healed from that abscess. Seriously y'all it was so the most painful thing I've ever experienced.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!!!!! I'm going to try to update tomorrow with pictures but we shall see.

Until then, check out my little twinkies. That would be Oliver on the left and CeCe on the right.

Humpday Randoms

Yep I let that abscess go and I spent about an hour in a breast surgeons office having it drained. Very fun times. She was so awesome and she gave me the names of obs in the area. Needless to say, I'm finding a new doctor considering her staff told me she was too busy to see me and I should just go to the er. From a doctor. Who knows I'm 25 weeks pregnant.

I got Oliver from his nap this morning and he was standing in his crib. Silly baby.

Only two more days until I pick up joshy from the airport in Boston on Friday at 8:30. I. Can't. Wait!!!!!

Any suggestions for relieving back problems while pregnant?

Have I mentioned how much different this pregnancy is?? I swear she's trying to kill me.

We normally watch Once Upon a Time and I'm kind of hating it this season.

I really wish I had gotten a mini van. Getting Oliver in and out of a Sorento is a tad difficult. Not to mention the lack of room.

Suggestions on disciplining a child? When do I start? How forcefully?

Guess that's about all that's happening around these parts today. Oliver starts daycare tomorrow and I'm excited. Well excited and nervous too. Hopefully he's a good boy!!!!

Hope everyone is having a great week so far.

Monday, Monday

Little man is really giving me a run for my money lately. He's been good, just allllllll over the place. He's started really pulling up on things which is fun. Well except when he falls in the bathtub. Yeah, that was fun.

Okay this pregnancy has been rough. I keep getting these damn abscesses under my breasts and each one is more painful than the last. I'm sorry for the tmi. Am I the only person who has experienced this???? I may have to break down and call my OB tomorrow. I've had three of them now and the idea of having to go in and have it drained sounds about as appealing as getting Dos out with no meds.

I hope everyone has had a good day so far. We are patiently waiting for Josh to get home then we are heading to Maine for a little LL Bean trip. Oliver starts daycare on Thursday and they are taking his school pictures on Monday. Seriously I cannot wait!!!!!

It's late and I should be asleep. Instead I'm laying here in pain, watching House. Until tomorrow my friends!

25 Weeks

How far along? 25 weeks

Baby's size? Cauliflower 

Weight gain?  Gained one pound since 16 weeks

Maternity clothes? Fatty.  Total fatty

Stretch marks? I've gained and lost weight so much throughout my lifetime so I've had stretch marks since high school. Yay me

Belly Button in or out? Should stay an inny like last time

Sleeping? It's terrible lately.  Up every two hours and then can't fall back asleep again

Foods I'm loving? Pizza.  Sweets (so not like me).  Doritos.  Funions.

Foods I'm hating?  Nothing lately

Movement?  Kicks, punches, rolls galore

Best moment this week? She just out of the blue will kick or punch

Symptoms? Still feeling large and in charge

Gender? GIRL

What I miss? Sleeping on my stomach.  Not being tired all the time.  Being able to play with Oliver without straining

What I'm looking forward to? My next ultrasound on October 26th (the day Josh comes home!!!)

Milestones: We are almost at viability.  I know it would be a long haul but each week that passes I breathe a little easier

Emotions: Not good this week.  I cried in the car on the way home from getting an oil change today.  I want to love Massachusetts, I really do.  So far?  Not so much

Friday's Letters

Last Friday until Joshy comes back from Missouri.  I've missed my sweet honey so much.

 

Dear Gamecocks: Tomorrow is a huge day.  Would you mind not letting us down?  All this hype is a new thing for a Gamecock fan and I'm kind of loving it.

Dear Oliver:  You're still in to everything.  Time for baby jail.

Dear Stepdad:  I'm mad at you.  You ended up in the ER on Wednesday night because of your own stupidity.  I don't feel sorry for you.  You had a seizure because you're an idiot.  Put your big boy underpants on and start taking your meds again.

Dear new daycare:  I am so apprehensive about sending Oliver.  Please go easy on me on Thursday and Friday.  Daycares here scare me.

Dear hormones:  Help me out a little, please?  Today was not a good day and I'm really questioning moving here.  Full on meltdown today.

I got a new do yesterday.  Still trying to decide if I like it.

Well that's about it.  Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!!

Humpday Randoms

You know what sucks? Seizures.

You know what sucks more?? A stepdad who won't take his seizure meds so he has them at a moments notice. Stubborn ass. I'm sitting in the er waiting room as I type this.

We bought Oliver his first pair of shoes today. I had to bite my cheeks and choke back tears for some reason. I feel like shoes just solidify that he's almost a little boy. Seriously, they look so cute on him.

Josh is gone for training until the 26th. I'm really starting to miss him. He left last Monday and I'm definitely wanting my husband home.

Am I just fatter or is being pregnant the second time very different than the first??

What should I be when I grow up?

Oliver is going to daycare twice a week starting next week. Judge me if you must. He needs friends to play with. For reals.

I've heard so many things about the movie Argo. Anybody seen it yet?

Would it be crazy to do two Halloween costumes for Oliver?

I hope everyone is having a good week so far!!!

10 Months

Can you believe it???  My Oliver is 10 months old today?!?!?  Time really does fly, huh? 

He's done quite a few fun things over the past few days:

Shake his head "no, no, no"
Pulling himself up
Going from a crawl to a sitting position
Sitting on his knees
Clapping

He's a complete joy for the most part.  My heart swells whenever he does something cute or imitates us in some way.  Don't get me wrong, chasing him around while he army crawls somewhere can be completely exhausting but the fun times are starting to outweigh the not so fun times.

My sweet Oliver:

We love you beyond the moon and back.  No one will ever be able to compare to you.  You are such a little boy who loves anything with wheels and getting messy and I LOVE that about you.  I love that your face lights up when you see me if I've been gone for a while.  I love that everyone stops me wherever we go, commenting on what an adorable baby you are (duh, you are).  You jabber up a storm now and I spend all day wondering exactly what you're saying to me. 

As we draw closer and closer to the arrival of your baby sister, I hope you never forget that you are my first baby and I will always love you.  You made me a mommy.  Thank you for the 10 months you've been on this planet and here's to countless years more.  Please always stay my sweet boy at heart.  I love you forever and always. 

Temper like his mommy.  What do you mean I can't play with your phone??

Happy 10 Month birthday my sweet Oliver.  You are the light of my life and the happiness in my soul.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

I believe I have touched on this subject briefly but I have been in close proximity with pregnancy loss so today, October 15th, I want to briefly pause and recognize all the babies, infants and their families who have been lost. 

When I was 10, I had the joy of finding out that I was finally going to be a big sister.  I went to all my mom's appointments with her, fantasized about what it would be like to be a big sister and waited for the moment when I would finally have a sibling to play with. 

My mom was due on November 8, 1988 and plans were put in place for my sister Veronica's arrival.  My family and extended family took a beach trip to Litchfield, South Carolina in July of that year and I stayed behind with my grandparents for a second week of fun while my parents went back to Columbia to work.  It was only when my dad met my grandparents that I learned something terrible had happened and my sister had not made it.  Come to find out, my mom's cervix could not withstand the pressure of carrying a child and my sister died at 24 weeks: which, coincidentally, is around the gestation of where I am right now.  To say I breathe a sigh of relief while pregnant when I make it to 25 weeks is absolutely an understatement.   

Because of this, I have grown up feeling like pregnancy and infant loss is all I will ever know.  I saw the Clomid hidden in my mom's closet, watched her cry each month when either her period would come or she would get a negative on a pregnancy test.  I will never be able to fully put into words how I felt the moment I got that positive with Oliver.  I literally could only say oh my god, oh my god, oh my god over and over again.  Same thing happened with Dos.  I have never once taken my blessings for granted because I know just how easily things can be taken away from you.  

My grief, however, is nothing compared to those in the trenches; those women who live through loss month after month or who never get the opportunity to experience what it feels like to carry a child.  I decided long ago that I would make it my purpose in life to at least stay educated and be a shoulder to lean in if I were to ever encounter someone dealing with a loss.

I debated posting the only two photos I have of my sister, Veronica, to show how things have changed regarding loss from then to the present time.  However, I don't want it to seem like I am sensationalizing or using my sister in order to draw more attention to myself.  I will say that it is because of days like today that hospitals and healthcare professionals are more aware of the devastating effect pregnancy and infant loss has on an individual or their family.  Basically, my sister was thrown on a towel, her footprints were taken and she was photographed with a blurry Polaroid camera.  The hospital workers could not even be bothered to clean the blood off of her before they took a picture of her.  She was taken out of the room in a plastic biohazard bucket and we have absolutely no idea what happened to her remains.

Today, I will remember my little sister, Veronica Glynn Jordan, who I have never met but who has been in my memory each and every day since I was 10.  I would also like to dedicate today to my friends, both in real life and bloggy, who have experienced a loss.  Your pain is in my heart each day, especially today.  I hope you find the peace and joy you deserve.  While I do not fully understand your struggles, your pain is real and I for one will never forget you or your precious little ones.

If you are so obliged, would you mind lighting a candle tonight at 7:00 p.m. and burn the candle for an hour to honor the ones who have gone before us?  These babies mean something and will never be forgotten.

Veronica's footprints

 

What we've been up to lately

I hope everyone had a great weekend!!  I'm still sick and Josh will be gone until October 26th so things have been a little difficult round these parts.  I feel like sickness and illness are hanging over this house or something.  I honestly feel no better than I did after I started taking Penicillin. 

Julia and I got out yesterday for a brief reprieve and we had a good time.  Granted, I'm even sicker now than I was before but it was worth it.  Zach Braff from Scrubs was at UMASS for a political rally so I KNEW I had to go.  Seriously, I've loved him for years.  I won't get political or anything, I promise.  We really did have a great time though.  Well, minus it being SO hot in the building and me literally almost passing out from the heat, being 6 months pregnant and being sick.

Anyway, what we've been up to...